AGENT PROFILES
WHO'S WHO and WHAT'S WHAT
The stories you are about to read are true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
AGENT R-2 IS A MASTER OF DISGUISE (CROSS-DRESSER). HIS COVER IS A FRONTMAN. HE HAS ALSO PLAYED BASS AND GUITAR ON OTHER ASSIGNMENTS, BESIDES SINGING MOST OF HIS LIFE. HE GRADUATED WITH HONORS FROM THE “SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS.” HIS INFLUENCES HAVE BEEN THE BEATLES, FRANK SINATRA, JAMES BROWN, AND MOTOWN IN GENERAL. PAST ASSIGNMENTS HAD HIM IN BANDS LIKE INSPIRATION, JUST FRIENDS, SHADOW FACTORY, AND CROSSROADS. AT HIS LAST DE-BRIEFING HE WAS HEARD SAYING “ WHEN YOUR TAKING OUT YOUR HONEY AND YOUR NOSE IS KINDA RUNNY, DON’T THINK IT'S FUNNY, CAUSE IT’SNOT.”
AGENT D-2 IS A STRESS MANAGEMENT EXPERT. SHE ALSO OPERATES THE FRONT FOR HEADQUARTERS AT MICHAEL’S MUSIC STUDIO. HER COVER IS KEYBOARDS, GUITAR, BASS AND UKULELE. SHE’S BEEN PLAYING SINCE THE AGE OF 5, STUDIED KEYBOARDS FOR 15 YEARS, VOICE FOR 1½ YEARS, AND WAS A CHURCH ORGANIST FOR 5 YEARS. HER INFLUENCES ARE JOAN JETT, JOURNEY, THE CURE, GLENN MILLER, AND WEIRD AL YANKOVIC. HER PAST ASSIGNMENTS PLACED HER IN MEET JUNE CLEAVER, MADAME X, MANHUNT, MRS. O’LEARY, THE FACT, ACCELL AND THE CARDIAC UNIT. AT DE-BRIEFING SHE WAS OVERHEARD SAYING “ I’D RATHER POKE A NEEDLE IN MY EYE.”
AGENT R-2 a.k.a. BOBBY "BOBBIO" RITTER
AGENT T4-2 IS A BIOLOGICAL WARFARE SPECIALIST. HER COVER IS DRUMS AND PERCUSSION. SHE STUDIED WITH THE WORLD FAMOUS JAMES SHANER. SHE ALSO PERFORMED IN MARCHING AND CONCERT BAND IN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE. HER INFLUENCES INCLUDE RINGO STARR, CHRIS LAYTAN, NEIL PEART, BUDDY RICH, MAX WEINBERG, STEVE SMITH, AND MICHAEL PORTNEY. HER PAST MISSIONS HAD HER DRUMMING IN MISSTRIAL, MADAME X, MEET JUNE CLEAVER AND STEALING SHOPPING CARTS. AT HER LAST DE-BRIEFING SHE HAD TO SAY,”HAVE A #9 TO STOP THE WHINE.”
AGENT D-2 a.k.a. DONNA GAMBLER-RITTER
AGENT S.O.S. DOUBLES AS A RUSSIAN SPY. HIS COVER IS LEAD GUITARIST. HE ATTENDED THE MUSICIAN’S INSTITUTE IN HOLLYWOOD, CA. IN 1983 – 1984, WHERE HE ALSO STUDIED FOREIGN DIALECTS. HIS INFLUENCES ARE ERIC CLAPTON, JIMMY PAGE, JEFF BECK, AND JOE SATRIANI. HIS PASS ASSIGNMENTS INCLUDED PROJECT A, DARK HORSE, MANHUNT, MRS. O’LEARY, AND THE GIB-TOWN ROCKERS. AT DE-BRIEFING HE SAID “LIVE FOR TODAY IN CASE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. TRY NOT TO SUCK AT IT.”
AGENT T4-2 a.k.a. TONYA NEUHEIMER
AGENT F.P.S. POSSESS EXPERTISE IN ALL FORMS OF TRANSPORTATION, FROM CREATING SECRET AGENT SUPER SPORTS CARS TO CARPET REMOVAL(a.k.a. BODY BAGS). THIS AGENT KEEPS THINGS MOVING. HIS COVER IS PLAYING BASS, BOTH ROCK AND JAZZ. HIS FAVORITE PASTIME IS COLLECTING PEPPER SHAKERS.
AGENT S.O.S a.k.a. STEVE "SNOOP" SMITH
AGENT R.W. IS A SPECIALIST IN DEMOLITION AND EXPLOSIVES. HE DOUBLES AS A MASTER OF WOODWINDS AND WILL REALLY BLOW YOU AWAY. HE PLAYS ALL STYLES OF MUSIC AND PERFORMS WITH MANY BANDS, TOO MANY TO MENTION. IN HIS OFF TIME, HE'S A COLLECTOR OF GREEK LUGGAGE.
